Monthly Archive: August 2008
This so called “reporter” is an Idiot!
Read all about it at Bloggerhead
some examples of her “work”.
=========== THE JULIE MOULT IMAGE CHALLENGE ==============
Step One – Create an image featuring the words “Julie Moult is an idiot” (or “Julie Moult is not an idiot, but instead a much-misunderstood campaigner for truth and a very nice person once you get to know her”).
Step Two – Include the words ‘julie’ and ‘moult’ in the filename for your image.
Step Three – Publish it on your website or weblog in a post explaining what it is and why it’s there (including, if you like, these steps and a link back to this article).
Step Four (optional) – If you really mean business, put her name in your article title and maybe even drop in some ‘ALT’ or ‘Title’ goodness for your image.
:: Please keep in mind that Julie Moult might be willing and able to sue you if she can prove that she isn’t an idiot (though I’m quietly confident that this won’t be a problem).
:: You may also wish to include a picture/glimpse of yourself in your image, as I have (above), so Julie is certain that real people, not invisible Google pixies, lurk behind the eventual results.
Notable search results will be posted below as soon as they start appearing, and a prize will be awarded for the best relevant performance in Google Images (not including mine).
Good luck to you all. I hope to see you in the top row soon.
Scotland is famed for its amazingly healthy Deep-Fried food!
Many people have heard about the mythical Deep-Fried Pizza, yet so few have seen it. Is the pizza battered like fish or just dropped in the fryer next to the battered fish and the flaccid chips?
The answer is seemingly arcane and mysterious …
Two mysterious chippy suppers
Guy has Tallent!
Poor Diddy is forced to fly First Class American Airlines because the price of gas is too high for him to fuel his own private jet!!!! I blame all you pirates out there!!!!!
“Gas prices are too motherfucking high. As you know, I do own my own jet but I have been havin’ to fly back and forth to LA to pursue my acting career. OK, now, if I’m flying back and forth, like, twice in a month that’s like 200,000, 250,000 round trip. Fuck that. I’m back on American Airlines right now. OK? Check this out. Your boy Diddy right now is on American Airlines. Look. Gas prices are too motherfuckin’ high.”
“Look, I’m at the gate right now. This is really happening. This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it, so tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down.”
Effin Eddie in The County Final probably, defiantly the greatest sports commentator the world has ever known.
Effin Eddie Moroney is probably, defiantly the greatest sports commentator the world has ever known. Effin Eddie Moroney gaa hurling football aherlow county final
Compiled by John Elmes
Friday, 15 August 2008
“I told the ambulance men the wrong blood type for my ex, so he knows what rejection feels like” – Pippa Evans
“The Olympics are for everyone, not just someone who happens to own a dancing horse” – Glenn Wool, on dressage
“I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it’s awkward” – Tom Stade
“I love being touched sexually by an ecologist” – Jo Neary, in character as a dolphin
“Glasgow has its own version of Monopoly – just one big square that reads: Go To Jail” – Des Clarke
“A problem shared is attention gained” – Pippa Evans
“Never say to an autistic person, you do the maths” – Wilson Dixon
“I’m glad they invented emoticons, otherwise I wouldn’t know what my dad was thinking” – Kerry Godliman
On having sex with men in their thirties: “Generally much better, but you’ve got to rub their legs afterwards for cramp” – Sarah Millican
“I love paying tax so much, the sight of a gritter lorry gives me an erection” – Jon Richardson
“No seriously, I am a feminist, just a lusty, ogling feminist. I’m a lesbian, in fact” – Rob Deering
“Looking at my face is like reading in the car. It’s all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick” – Andrew Lawrence, on his ginger appearance
“One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can’t dish it out” – Tim Vine
“If it’s gone abroad, it must be fraud” – Tom Wrigglesworth, on the mindset of the high-street banks
“Victoria Beckham? Does this tampon make me look fat?” – Joan Rivers, on celebrities
“What do you say to your adopted African child if you want them to eat up their dinner? ‘There are people starving in Africa right now, like your parents'” – Tom Stade
“Politicians are like God. No one believes in them, they haven’t done anything for ages, and they give jobs to their immediate family” – Andy Zaltzman
“Channel 4 just cuts out bits from ‘heat’ magazine and throws them on the floor” – Wendy Wason, on C4 scheduling
“I’m dating now, because I ran out of hooker money” – Rick Shapiro
“The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe. Wouldn’t it just be easier to talk to a woman?” – Stephen Brown
“Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, ‘There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him” – Carey Marx
“I love making love on a bed of nails, but can I go on top?” – Ginger and Black
“The definition of bipolar? A sexually curious bear” – Marcus Birdman
“One of my friends had twins with IVF. Two old ladies that she knew came up to her, and one got the term wrong. In a very sweet voice, she said, ‘Oh, would you look at those beautiful twins! Did you get those on the HIV?'” – Craig Hill
“Old people don’t like swearing, because a lot of the words weren’t invented in their day, so they feel left out” – Zoe Gardner
“The anti-aging advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, ‘Aah, I’ve used too much'” – Andrew Bird
“I don’t hate the Germans, I just miss my grandparents” – Ian Stone
“‘What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed” – Josie Long
“My friend said she was giving up drinking from Monday to Friday. I’m just worried she’s going to dehydrate” – Kerri Godliman
“Ken Dodd is one of my favourite comics, and one of the richest in showbusiness – he has Swiss money in Irish banks” – Roy Walker
“I wonder what would happen if Franz Ferdinand were assassinated?” – Glenn Wool
“My uncle Cleetus is illiterate and ambidextrous. Which is a double tragedy. He is unable to write, with both hands” – Wilson Dixon
“I like David Beckham. Most of us have skeletons in our closet. But he takes his out in public” – Andrew Lawrence
“If Britons were left to tax themselves, there would be no schools, no hospitals, just a 500-mile-high statue of Diana, Princess of Wales” – Andy Zaltzman
“Surgery is just stabbing in a courteous environment” – A L Kennedy
“I know someone whose dream is to be an actor but they’re not that good – they got mugged, and had to audition for the part of themselves on ‘Crimewatch’. They got Passer-by No 2” – Isy Suttie
“My boyfriend likes role play. He likes to pretend we’re married. He waits until I go to bed, then he looks at porn and has a wank” – Joanna Neary
“I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, ‘You can’t polish a turd’. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, ‘No, you can’t, but you can roll it in glitter’. He’s a lovely guy but I wouldn’t want to go to a craft fair with him” – Steve Williams
“My Nan had a plastic hip put in, but I thought she should have replaced it with a Slinky, ’cause if she fell down the stairs again…” – Steve Williams
“A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: ‘Tyrant is hanged’. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, ‘Who’s going to present “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”‘ ” – Steve Williams
“I used to go out with Christopher Reeve, but I just had to keep standing him up” – Steve Hall
“I despise cliquishness, for reasons only my four closest friends will ever properly understand” – Steve Hall
“Where I’m from, people aren’t quick. A girl once asked her mum, ‘Can I have a Cadbury’s Creme Egg?’ The mum said, ‘No, you can’t Danielle, I’ve already told you, darling – bird flu!'” – Tom Deacon
“I once buggered a man unconscious. I’m lying, he was already unconscious when I found him” – Tom Deacon
“I never know the right thing to say, especially during sex. After my first time, I said to the girl, ‘That’s it, I’m afraid'” – Tom Deacon
“I’m the eldest of five children. My parents aren’t Catholic, just reckless” – Danielle Ward
“I was in Halifax one Friday night in July, and I thought they were having an ‘idiots and whores’ theme party, but no – that’s just Halifax on a Friday night” – Rob Deering
“I do love Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. He always looks so… clean. But if you went out dressed like that round our way, you’d get the MDF kicked out of you” – Domestic Goddi Rosie Wilkinson & Helen O’Brien
“I’ve got nothing against disabled people, I’ve even got one of their stickers on my car” – Damian Callinan
“My granny was recently beaten to death by my granddad. Not as in, with a stick – he just died first” – Alex Horne
Chris Ramsay performing in the final of the Chortle Student Comedy Awards 2008