Monthly Archive: October 2008

5

Three out of four white supremacists prefer Obama!


nobama? nobama? don’t they know he’s irish its o’bama!

Strangely enough three out of four white supremacists prefer Obama!

Racist Tom Metzger
Thomas Linton Metzger (born April 9, 1938) is the founder of the White Aryan Resistance.
He doesn’t like Race mixing, The Jewish, The federal government or capitalism.

On the election: “McCain… He’s a scary, scary person — more dangerous than Bush. Obama, according to his book, Dreams Of My Father, is a racist and I have no problem with black racists.”

Erich Gliebe

Erich Gliebe
(born 1963) , is the CEO and acting Chairman of the National Alliance.
He also doesn’t like integration or the “Jewish-controlled media”

On the election: “Obama… He’s a very intelligent man, an excellent speaker and has charisma… My only problem with Obama is perhaps he’s not black enough.”

American Nazi Party

Rocky Suhayda
is the current Chairman of American Nazi Party. He dislikes Jews as usual but also immigrants and multinational corporations.

On the election: “White people are faced with either a negro or a total nutter who happens to have a pale face. Personally I’d prefer the negro.”

The odd one out is………

Ron Edwards KKK

Ron Edwards is currently the Imperial Wizard of the Imperial Klans of America. He also isn’t fond of immigrants, Black people or homosexuals.

On the election: “Obama, I think he’s a piece of shit.”
Although he did endorse Obama against Hillary Clinton in the primaries saying “anything is better than Hillary Clinton.”

KKK Hilary

0

The Ray Summers Band – Boots N Cats


Hailing from Scotland The Ray Summers band came together in the beginning of 2008. They are going on a UK tour right now! So try and catch them soon as they will be famous this time next year!!

The band are:

Andy Ure (vocals)
Andrew Douglas (guitar)
David Horne (guitar/keyboards/vocals)
Chris Jackson (guitar)
Billy Kay (bass/vocals)
Lee Burgoyne (drums)

This upbeat tune was nabbed from myspace and uploaded to youtube, It is from a Studio recording that may or may not be released next year.

Head over to their myspace site to find out more information.
I expect i’ll be finding more tunes of theirs to put on youtube soon!

Great Stuff

0

The British Government and Prime Minister

Isn’t it nice that during the economic crisis, where 90% of the UK’s mortgages are now under control of the government as The Halifax Bank of Scotland are due to become LLoyds TSB Halifax Bank of Scotland or something similar….

That Gordon Brown can spare some time to talk about…. Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross for making a joke about Russell brand possibly shagging Manuel’s, from Fawlty Towers, Granddaughter!

With the British pound now at $1.50 odd and dropping fast

The UK in recession with the rest of the world following…

Its nice to see a story about

An ex heroin addict

and


A man who cannot pronounce the letter R

being commented on by the man who is supposed to be getting us out of this mess!

Gordon Brown Fails!

1

Tom Leppard the Leopard man retires!

Tom Leppard


The Leopard Man - The most popular videos are a click away

After 20 years of living wild on a remote part of the isle of skye in Scotland, Tom Leppard has retired!

Aged 73 Tom no longer wished to complete his kayak trip on the Kyles of Lochalsh as he was only “one big wave away from disaster”.


View Larger Map

He now lives in Broadford, on the Isle Of Skye, which is the 2nd largest town on Skye, in a standard terraced house.

Broadford
Broadford, Isle of Skye

He used to live in a shack with no running water, no electricity, dirt floors and cooked on a camping stove.

“I was in the armed forces for 28 years, and I enjoyed the solitary activities, such as parachute jumping, sailing and canoeing. I made the decision 20 years ago that I wanted to escape the city, which I hated, and to live alone in the highlands of Scotland. I have never been lonely since.”

Strangely enough Tom didn’t get a single tattoo whilst in the military service. He changed his name to “Mr Tom Leppard” from “Tom Woodbridge” and chose to get spots tattooed, not because of any particular interest in cats, but because they were easy for a tattoo artist to do. He earned money from appearances.

“I would get an income from being the most tattooed man in the world, and would be photographed for the Guinness Book of Records, or featured on TV. I had a spare set of dentures, shaped like fangs, that I’d put in for the publicity shots. But it was a necessary evil to supplement my income support, or latterly my pension. It’s not something I enjoyed.”

Tom Leppard, MonkeyReview Salutes you!

Tom Leppard

Chuckle Brothers in Iraq 0

Chuckle Brothers in Iraq

14 October 2008
The Chuckle Brothers on deployment in Iraq

chuckle brothersThe Chuckle Brothers on deployment in Iraq

Al Basrah, Iraq – Inspired by the success of the award winning series Ross Kemp in Afghanistan Sky One today admitted the commissioning of a new series Chuckle Brothers in Iraq.

The series follows the exploits of Yorkshire-born Barry and Paul Elliot, better known as the “Chuckle Brothers”; the children’s television favourites of BBC’s Chuckle vision as they join the 2nd Battalion ‘The Poachers’ of The Royal Anglian Regiment on their deployment with the 7th Armoured Division in the Southern Al Basrah province of Iraq.

Barry (the thinner, older one) said of the show “we were dead keen to do it; we wanted to show the world that we were quite hard when we wanted to be”.

Filming is well under way with the comedy brothers already getting up to some brave but hilarious mishaps, as an MoD Spokesperson confirmed “the Chuckle Brothers have certainly made us all laugh, with their characteristic ‘To me, to you’ and ‘Oh dear, oh dear’ catchphrases whilst on operations”, but he added seriously “there’s no finer soldiers I’d choose to serve with, Barry is a dab-hand on the GPMG (General Purpose Machine Gun) and Paul just loves working with explosives, they are an awesome band of ‘chuckle’ brothers”.

The brother’s exploits have not gone unnoticed in dispatches; Barry has been dubbed the “Insurgent killer” with an estimated 12 kills to his name, each one etched onto his forearm with his combat knife. Whilst Paul has been commended for his laying down of lethally accurate mortar fire.

The series is scheduled to be broadcast early in 2009; Sky One has yet to confirm rumours that they have already commissioned the series Ant and Dec in Pyongyang, “just in case it kicks off over there”.

by The Real Whippet

Osama bin Laden found hiding in Big Brother house 0

Osama bin Laden found hiding in Big Brother house

Osama bin Laden in the diary roomStill from seized video of Osama bin Laden in the diary room

23 October 2008
Hertfordshire, England – Cleaning staff were astonished yesterday to discover a man thought to be Osama bin Laden hiding in Channel 4’s Big Brother house.

The team were conducting a routine clean of the house that was last occupied in early September when the ninth series of the popular reality TV show concluded; when they heard the sound of someone muttering in Arabic coming from the famed diary room.

Upon opening the diary room door the cleaners were faced with a man they described as “the spitting image of Osama bin Laden”, wearing a camouflage jacket over his traditional white Muslim dress.

“He just stood up, picked up an AK47 Assault Rifle, said ‘excuse me’ in perfect English and walked out”, said one of the bemused cleaning staff who asked not to be named to protect his identity. Ashley Hunt of 21 Piccotts End Road, Hemel Hempstead, England, United Kingdom, HP2 1QZ, went on to explain “he then just kept walking without looking back, we called security but by the time they showed up he was long gone, sadly”.

The incident is being taken seriously by Britain’s security services and the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), an FBI spokesperson commented “from interviews with the cleaning staff we were alerted to the fact this could be Usama by the details the cleaners gave us, they described his accent as ‘probably Pashtu’, said he was left handed and that he was armed and dangerous”.

The FBI were already well aware that Osama bin Laden was an avid fan of the popular television show, following interviews with close associates of the Terrorist leader who claimed “he was crazy about it, he’d just sit in front of the television for hours shouting and cheering, it’s the only time we ever saw him excited about anything, except maybe the Teletubbies”.

A Special Forces raid on a known Al-Qaeda cache in the Waziristan region of Pakistan in August this year seemed to confirm the FBI’s suspicions’ as they seized dozens of video tapes of the show labelled “For Osama x”.

A video was later seized in the Big Brother house that seems to show the 51 year old terrorist in the diary room, at times breaking down in tears, attempting to record a new message for Al- Qaeda but mostly rueing the fact that Rachel won the last series of Big Brother even though he didn’t vote for her.

Security has been stepped up on the set of the BBC’s Teletubbies for fears that the Terrorist leader will attempt to infiltrate the set, assassinate Tinky-Winky and wear his dead skin in a plot to seize “tubby toast”.

–The Real Whippet

The Common British Hedgehog 0

The Common British Hedgehog

“Give me a Challenger Tank and I’ll execute every Motherf**king last one of ‘em!”

~ Barry Chuckle on British Hedgehogs

The British Hedgehog is a familiar sight on Britain’s roads, usually seen in its dead and flattened form, but the commonly held belief that the Hedgehog is a victim of road traffic is very much mistaken for the Hedgehog is a cunning and vicious pack-hunter.

The British Hedgehog hunts in packs with the objective of bringing down motor vehicles on Britain’s network of A-Roads. Their hunting method suggests a highly evolved and intelligent mind, with the hunting pack; frequently between 50 and 100 Hedgehogs strong, showing more than rudimentary team work and coordination.

The Killer Hedgehog
Cute & Cuddly? This little critter bought down a Renault Kangoo and devoured its catalytic convertor within seconds

Behaviour

The British Hedgehogs hunting pattern invariably consists of one Hedgehog sacrificing itself for the good of all; this is usually an elderly decrepit Hog whose usefulness to the herd is at an end.

This “pawn sacrifice” Hedgehog will lay in wait watching the traffic flow until it spots a straggler, the straggler is usually an under-powered Hatchback. Elderly 1.6L pre 16 valve Vauxhall Astra’s are a favourite quarry of the hunting Hedgehog pack, but any small to medium family hatchback are common prey. Vehicles as large as Ford Transit vans have also been known to be attacked, though frequently without success.

The forlorn hope Hedgehog, upon spotting it’s straggler amongst the traffic flow will then charge forward, intent on only one thing – taking the car down. It aims for the vehicles’ weak spot – its tyres, and thrusts it’s spines into them with all its might, the brave little Hedgehog is usually killed in the process, but it’s sacrifice is rarely in vain as the vehicle is bought down by the injury and forced to pull-over.

At this critical point the rest of the pack charges into the helpless floundering vehicle and it is here; at the kill, that a strict hierarchy can be observed amongst the hunting pack. The leader of the pack; the king Hedgehog, get’s the most prized booty of the kill: the succulent air filter, scrumptious catalytic converter, spark plugs and battery are his and his alone.

The next level in this complex hierarchy gets the remainder of the engine, the alternator and the radiator hoses being particularly prized and many a Hedgehog is prepared to die for the oil filter. The young newcomers to the hunting pack are left to pick at the rear end of the exhaust and fiberglass bumpers.

Despite many scare stories attacks on humans are rare, the man-killer Hedgehog is a myth. If your vehicle is attacked by a pack of Hedgehogs the Ministry of Transport advice is to stay in your vehicle with the doors locked and windows up, and to try to look submissive if threatened. Do not sound the horn; this only makes the Hedgehogs more aggressive.

Calling a rescue service like the AA or RAC will help however; as for some reason the Hedgehog is afraid of flashing lights; it is the sole reason that these rescue vehicles have such light assemblies.

Occasionally a hungry Hedgehog pack will attack a motorcyclist, any motorbike of 125cc and under are particularly vulnerable, the best advice for the besieged motorcyclist is to throw their crash helmet and run, the leader of the Hedgehog pack will habitually pursue the visor with the rest of the pack fighting over the helmets retention system with the synthetic chin strap being most fought after.

Historical origins of the British Hedgehogs hunting habits

How did the British Hedgehog evolve into attacking and consuming vehicles of steel, iron and rubber? This is the subject of much debate.

It is widely believed that the British Hedgehog began its carnivorous activities with slug’s, snails and puppy dog tails. But later it moved onto insects, devilled frogs legs, garlic mushrooms, fish soup rouille and croutons, Endive Salad with Blue Cheese and Walnuts, fan of melon, Six native Maldon oysters with lemon and shallot vinegar, watermelons, Prawn Cocktails and Steak Tatare!

But history was no friend to the British Hedgehog, as the Romans built more and more roads across rural Britain the Hedgehogs were forced to gravitate towards these thoroughfares in search of easy prey. By the middle ages it is thought they began to tackle increasingly larger prey such as Oxen, Ponies and Horses. Therefore it is no surprise that they should naturally evolve to hunt the man-made industrialised steel horses of the 20th century

PitFighting Hedgehogs
Pit Fighting Hedgehogs seized at Heathrow Airport in April 2008

The Illegal Fighting Hedgehog Trade

Sadly an International illegal fighting ring has grown around illegally trapped and exploited British Hedgehogs. This disgusting and illegal trade allegedly funded by Daily Mail readers; pitches British Hedgehogs against American “Monster Trucks”.

Despite some initial success against the Shell-Camino 1,600 Horse-Power team these poor Hedgehogs are now being massacred, the scale of their losses has caused the RSPCA to step in. It is now against international law to use a British Hedgehog in such matches unless they are fired from a “F**king big Cannon”.

by The Real Whippet